Eight minutes left of Valentine’s Day on the East Coast. Please enjoy this potpourri of Harry Potter valentines with love from me.
I FUCKING HATE WHEN PEOPLE POUR KETCHUP ALL OVER THE FRENCH FRIES INSTEAD OF A DESIGNATED CORNER AND THEY OFFER ME SOME LIKE NO FUCK YOU AND YOUR TAINTED FRENCH FRIES
IM GOING TO SCREAM IM IN CLASS AND THESE GIRLS WHO BULLIED ME IN 5TH GRADE ARE WHISPERING AND THEYRE LIKE
"holy shit did she go to our elementary school"
"i dont know if thats her"
"i rly dont think thats her guys"
AND THE TEACHER CALLED MY NAME AND THEY GO
"holy shit shes hot"
L I F E
YOU FUCKING GO IM PROUD OF YOU
OWN IT FOR ALL OF US
NO MOM I CANT GO OUT TODAY IM MOURNING THE DEATH OF A FICTIONAL CHARACTER
wow my brother was telling me this joke and he said
"if you’re fighting with a woman and she pulls a knife on you, just pull out the bread and cheese and meat and her womanly instincts will kick in and she’ll just make you a sandwich"
then all of a sudden our mom emerges from the kitchen holding a huge ass knife and she approaches my brother asking “sorry what was that?” and he started screaming